Sigh*
So, exams are next week. I have been studying my eyes out. But I was talking to my mom about this and I wanted to write about it so, exams don’t matter at this point.
I was talking to my mom, this morning. I told her how I had asked my friends if we wanted to hang out at the mall after exams on Tuesday, to sort of celebrate. And well what I got out of that seemed to stir something in me. So I got 3 people I was asking, there’s apple juice, roro and boo. This year I have gotten real close to them and well I wanted to spend a few hours out at the mall, just chilling. Each of them has a different story. And yet, it’s all the same.
Roro said she had a dentist appointment. When I asked for time, I didn’t get an answer. Maybe she didn’t hear me. Maybe she didn’t want to answer. She couldn’t go. I asked her if her mom was okay with it, with us hanging, she said yeah, her mom doesn’t care much. I worked on my ICP Rube Goldberg project with her and her mom seemed easy going and nice. Her dad, well I didn’t see him but he seemed nice too. Usually when we talk about our families, I know that roro is usually complaining about her siblings. Even when I was at her house she was yelling at them in a language I am not quite familiar with. When I sometimes ask her if her mom knows about a certain thing she usually says no, she won’t get it, even if I explained. I see that she is always, or at least mostly on msn, which means she’s not spending much time with them. Still Roro is better then Boo.
When I asked Boo if she wanted to hang out with me at the mall, she said yes, that her mom would let her, but the mall was a bit of a “not exactly the best place to go”. The next day she said no, that it wasn’t possible. I asked her why and she said her parents probably wouldn’t allow it. All I could think was why didn’t you even ask in the first place. Boo always talks about how close she is, and how cool they are, she and her mom. But then she is hiding so much from her mom. Okay maybe not too much but her mom doesn’t even know she has an msn account. She goes online when their not there, and as soon as they come home, like a person who has committed a crime she shuts the computer and acts like nothing is wrong. I just don’t get it, tell you parents msn is a place where you talk to your friends. Without even trying she has decided that they will not approve. Without even talking to them, without even telling them what msn is and why she would like to use it. Wait, they don’t even now what msn is, so how are they supposed to go against her, like she thinks they will? Well Apple juice is sorta the same.
When I asked Apple Juice she said no, so confidant. When I asked her why she said her dad wasn’t home, and her mom too, out of the city so she couldn’t just go to the mall. I understood her. But then she has the same thing as boo, except her parents know what msn is, but she told them it’s so she can talk to her parents about “school work”. I was like what is wrong with you. She told me they probably wouldn’t let her have an account otherwise.
So I didn’t tell you this for no reason. As I talked to my mom about this she told me something that I wanted to get around too. Parenting happens in two extremes. There is the sort of a side, where parents should not care what their children do and leave their lives to themselves.It’s not the best way to parent because you don’t talk to your kids at all, their getting themselves into trouble, and they have no idea on what your morals and values are. Besides, family should be close, were people share ideas and talk to each other. Have healthy relationships.
And then there is the other case, where parents give to much of their time trying to please their kids. Or just cut them off from the world so they can connect to family. It’s good, they’re trying, but kids want their space, where they can be with friends, where they have to take care of themselves, because once they leave school they have to take care of themselves. Also, even when kids to get some personal time, they hid it from their parents. Stop talking to them, and it’s isolation. When parents want them to be close, they just drift apart.
There is a fine line between my and my parents. Were in the middle of all of this. My parents are very much involved in my life, and that is because it’s their life too. We are always talking to each other about events here and there. About where we stand as a family, and what we believe in. My mom knows much about me, more then anyone else. She does tell me sometimes to get off the computer and sit with her, and I’m okay with that. We do need to spend some family time, and we do all the time. Where we sit, everyone, and just talk. At the same time, my parents have given me great independence. I can do many things. Hang out at malls, spend time with friends and all. My parents are very much proud of my blog. My dad knows I tweet, msn and all that stuff. I also have a great responsibility, for my actions and around the family. This also keeps me on track, so I stay open and honest with them.
Anyway, I think I started out with a mere story, but I wanted to sorta highlight the problems when it comes to “understanding” and “have a good relationship with your parents”. I mean I’m 16, and I can see this, how come a parents or a child can’t understand it. I mean kids are always talking about how their mad at their parents or parents are talking about how their kids won’t talk to them, why don’t they try to look at it from the other’s perspective. It’s not that hard. I mean if I get it, why can’t they.
Also, I want to thank my parents, for being so great and supportive. How they guide me through life, without going on either extremes or how were so close, closer then many people. Were blessed to be so close and may God keep it that way.
Your daughter and for the rest of you; your fellow blogger
Panda002
14 comments:
Great post Leila! I am so glad that you are using tools like Blogs and technology to get better in touch with you feelings, your family and the larger society in which you live.
I think the secret to most human problems is balance, openness, and honesty. Parenting is no different. I am new to this as my daughter is only 3, but i remeber how I interacted with my parents and as a teacher, I see how parents deal with their kids.
I think you have a very mature sense of what it takes to build valuable, productive, and loving relationships.
Adolescence is a strange time of building and understanding identity, testing boundaries, and independence. Parents need to understand that their children need a bit of space to do these things, but they also need some love and guidance to figure it out.
I hope I can build an honest and open relationship with my daughter and be able to talk to her about anything when she is 16. I am laying the ground work for that now. Even though she is 3 I have talks with her about what she thinks, ho she feels. I want her to be able to trust me and know that I may not have all the answers, but I am here for her to help her figure them out.
You said it best, " My parents are very much involved in my life, and that is because it’s their life too."
We are a family, and families need to communicate and understand each other. If we can deal with our issues and problems within our families in open constructive ways we can become better members of society as well.
Thank you very very much. I mean here I am growing up, starting to see life in a new way, it's nice for people like you, to come around and tell me that it's not bad, even though it is frustrating, to think about society.
I think after my brother died, I have changed so so so much. I am not longer the "child" leila I was before my brother's death. I'm seeing things way differently and I have an extreme different take on life and who i am. I'm not saying I am the wisest, I still have to much to learn, but I am saying that I have changed, in many ways. You would never believe who I was before I moved here.
I think you might remember my blog post on communication. I just can't seem to think why some people are so 'out of it' and don't realize what exactly the problem is, that we need to communicate and that is it.
As far as my parents go, I love them. The fact that I say that it's their life too, most people would not agree with me, which I find disturbing. I'm not old enough to be taking all my decisions myself, and I need guidance and love as I go, so my life is my parents life too.
As far as your daughter goes, you were a teenager too, you probably remember how you felt and what kind of relationship you had with your parents. but speaking from my generation, if I could give one piece of advise (funny, I'm only 16 and I think i got advice to give!) is share the world with her, at a young age. When something happens to someone out there, sit with her and talk about it. And the biggest thing tell her what you think is right and wrong, but also tell her why. Because then she will know why you act the way you act. I think that is the biggest problem. Parents say no and then when the kid asks why they say 'your not old enough'. If their old enough not to be doing it, then they should also know why.
Again, thank you so much for commenting. I mean I sorta kept on asking you over and over again, but it was worth it. I am so happy to have someone like you, like a mentor.
Panda002
Such great advice:
share the world with her, at a young age. When something happens to someone out there, sit with her and talk about it. And the biggest thing tell her what you think is right and wrong, but also tell her why. Because then she will know why you act the way you act. I think that is the biggest problem. Parents say no and then when the kid asks why they say 'your not old enough'. If their old enough not to be doing it, then they should also know why.
See you are wise!
As for being a mentor, I got into teaching to help young people figure things out, not to teach them how to write boring essays no one will ever read. So it is my pleasure, to read your work, comment on it, talk, and grow together.
Throughout the years I have found very special young people who get "it." I stay in touch with those people and they become my family too.
Thank you Lelia and have a great summer.
WAYYYY.................. too long
but its all true but you have to reallize that there will always be a line of privacy between your parants and you
would u honestly tell ur parents everything you tell your friends
Hey epic guitar,
I'm surprised you read by post in general. Haha. You and reading don't really go hand-in-hand. But thank you so much for reading it, for commenting and for being a great friend in general.
AND not wayyyyy to long. I write a lot. Still not as much as some people but writing is sorta my thing. You know?
Also, yes I know the fine line between my and my parents. With the responsibility they give me, I also get privacy. BUt then again, they are involved in my life because it's theirs too. I'm not solo, I'm part of the family, but I do have my privacy.
I just wrote this as a thing to think about for my generation, about how close are they with their parents. For them to think about where they are. I guess apart from julia, your the first person from my generation to read it. May want to think about it yourself. Sort of the reason I wrote it.
I also wrote it to see how well I understood the situation. I think I get it. Don't you?
Anyway, I'm happy you commented epic guitar. Hopefully you will read some of my other posts in the future and see a side of me not known to many people. And who knows, I might spark something in you, maybe you express your feelings too. (not that i assume it will happen any time soon)
Have a nice summer. it's not like I'm not going to see you, but still. Enjoy.
Panda002
sorry i took a long time to reply, i just really lazy.... anyways, i personally like not having to tell my parents about my life (but i guess i have friends that already tell them for me *coff* *coff*)
and it is wayyyyyy to long.
Hey epic guitar,
How lazy are you? lol. It doesn't take time to comment on someone's blog. AND it's not long. now to make my point, I'm going to work on a blog post WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY LONGER. lol.
Anyway, Happy Birthday. Hope you got my text. I can't believe you a year and couple of months younger then me. lol. it's fun being older. I am wiser, that much I know. lol. JK.
So, your saying that you don't want your parents involved in your life. That sucks. I mean you really are a sad person. What about when you do all that great stuff and no one is there to share your happiness. What is being happy without sharing it, and making others happy. hump. By the way, you do realize that we are blessed with amazing parents. Both of us. We should thank Allah countlessly because they are amazing. You have a mother that well not many people are lucky to have a mom that her. She's so mature and wise and knows and helps so many. You know how I come to her sometimes for help and she helps me so much. I can't thank her enough. And she is your mother. She loves you, and I think she wants to help you, but I also think you are sorta closing up on her. Your not really sharing that happiness with her.
Look, who am I to be telling you about your life. Sorry for what I said. Really I am. Sometimes I think I can do stuff way out of my league. And I guess I tell you mom stuff because well it's fun. And you don't have 'friends who tell you stuff' I'm the only friend you got who tells. And no need to cough on me. I know what I do, and let me break it to you, I'm probably not going to stop. hahaha. lol. But then again, it's not like you hate me for it, if you did, it would have been clear a long time ago. I know deep deep deep inside you might as well be thankful. hahaha.
Thanks again, for commenting. Thanks for being my friend and helping me with everything. Just remember what I said on the last day of school to you, how thankful I am to you.
Panda002
i am that lazy
i do know i have good parents and im grateful to have them
and no i ahvent goten your text
Epic guitar,
You didn't get my text? Oh well I can't send it again because I don't have any more credit. That was the last I had. It was just a text msg for happy birthday. Phones can be messed up sometimes.
And you are not that lazy, because you replied fast. hahaha. Also, have you noticed how you write one sentence, or two and I write like three to four paragraphs. I find that so funny. Either you hate writing which sucks because when we write we pour our soul and let ourself flow and let people see the real us. You are quite mysterious and it would be nice to see who deep inside you were. I have seen some stuff and that is why I am your friend. You have a great personality, you need to let it out.
By the way, tell me if I sound like a freak, or someone who thinks she can give advice. Because I'm just being myself. You should know that by now. I like to tell people what to do. What can I do. It's just who I am.
I think you should have a blog. When I started around a year and half ago, my writing was worse then yours. NO kidding. Okay maybe just like yours. But in that time I have learned to write. I have learned who I am. I think you should too. Write you know. It may seem akward but I think in a while you might like it. For some reason I see you writing emo poetry. lol.
Anyway, hope you had a nice birthday. After all the food your mom cooked for you, make me hungry when she told me about it. And you woke up early waiting for her to wish your birthday? lol. Your mom is amazing.
Panda002
im way too lazy to blog
and i did get ur text btw thanks
and i dont think ill find my self bloging
anyways add me on yahoo or msn
with the email i sent u
epic guitar,
You don't have to be lazy to blog. I'm lazy too, you just have to have something inside you to want to write about. And you aren't very confident in yourself, now are you? I see you blogging.
How was your birthday? Did you get anything cool?
I would add you, but I'm sorry I won't. I just don't add guys on msn. Sorry, but hopefully you understand what I mean. But it's not like we can't talk here. I'm working on that long post. It will be up soon. It's about how confident I am in knowing who i am. I think you might like it.
How is summer so far? Mine is sorta boring. Sorta. I am leaving soon so packing starts. But even packing is boring.
Panda002
birthday was boring didnt do anything
no im not confident in myself
summer is really boring all i have done is go to the club house and watched movies
Epic Guitar,
Every time you reply it's like you don't want to. If you don't like this 'talk' or whatever it's called, you don't have to reply. Just tell me one last time that you don't want to. I'm sorry if it's like I'm pushing you to be here.
And tell me to shut up, because it seems like I'm giving you life lessons and your some zombie nodding your head not caring. Sorry but I'll try to stop. Eh?
And I said my post was about how confident I am about myself. Not aimed towards anyone at all. it's me. no one else. don't assume stuff until I say it.
My summer is boring too. I sleep real late, like 2 or 3 and wake up at like 9 or 10. All day I watch t.v, on the computer or packing. we might be leaving tom, but were not sure. Maybe. It all depends on if we get our visa today. It's okay because were driving so it makes no difference.
Because I'm going to the house of god, the kabba, this is your chance to ask me to pray for you. Whatever you want. Once you say it, it's sorta my duty to pray. It's like a rule thing. If someone asks you to pray for them, you have to. So whatever you want. Name it.
Don't worry, only a couple of more days left till you leave. It's not that bad. I mean you would probably be worse if your brother was out of school too. Am I right?
Panda002
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